1. You have to inform your
parents and other elderly members of your family of your intention to marry
this woman, and then messages are exchanged with her family to decide on a day
for the introduction. This is called Ivbuomo amongst the Esan, which
means ‘seeking a bride’. Traditionally, this is the time for each family to
conduct any investigations concerning diseases, mental illness and criminal
tendencies in the other family.
2. Prepare: Buy kolanuts: 40
or more and drinks- spirits, palm wine, and non-alcoholic drinks to give to
your future in-laws as gifts. You may also choose to take yams and plantians.
Choose a male spokesman from amongst your family who understands tradition and
knows how to negotiate terms.
If an Edo
woman has captured your heart and you want to marry her, you are a lucky man
indeed.
Edo state is at the centre of the ancient Benin Empire and is very rich in culture and tradition.
When you go seeking the hand of an Edo woman in marriage, you’ll want to know what to expect, especially if you are not Edo. If you are not prepared, you may have to pay multiple visits until the requirements are met, before you can proceed with the wedding. With official guide to marrying an Edo woman, you will be ready in no time.
Note that
there are different ethnicities in Edo state, mainly the Bini, Esan and Afemai.
There may be
variations in the process depending on ethnic group, village and even family,
but this guide covers what you can typically expect when you want to marry an
Edo woman.
The Introduction
3. After arriving and
exchanging greetings, you and your family (groom’s family) will be seated on
one side of the room, and the bride’s family will be seated opposite. The
bride’s family will present your family with kolanuts and drinks to welcome
you. It is unrushed: Kolanuts will be broken and eaten. Then the groom’s family
spokesman will stand and declare the purpose of the visit- to seek their
daughter’s hand in marriage. He will present the gifts of Kolanuts and drinks
at this point.
4. The bride’s father or his
representative will then call your intended bride-to-be and ask if she knows
your people. He will inform her of your proposal and asks if he should accept
the kola and drinks, i.e. if she wants to marry you. You better be in her good books that day because if she says No, it’s all
over. No wedding. If she says yes, joy! The bride’s family will now accept your
proposal and give you a list, then serve everyone food and drinks.
The List
5. This is the part that
makes some men panic before they even see it but don’t worry, the list is not
at all extravagant. The Edo people are considerate and the list is purely
symbolic and for traditional rites- never a payment- because the bride is not
an article for sale.
The list varies widely, but these are some of the
items you may find on your list:
1 Holy Bible
1 Umbrella
28 tubers of yams (4 piles of 7 yams each)
20-25 litres of palm oil
Wrappers: anywhere from just 6 yards each for the bride’s parents to a suitcase of wrappers
Drinks: A jar of palmwine
Two bottles of Schnapps
Crates of malt drinks
Cartons of beer
A carton of wine to be held by the groom
Kolanuts
A bag of salt
Money: A small amount as the official bride price: Sometimes N24, other times N1500
N5,000 cash for the bride’s mother
N3,000 cash for the bride’s father
N9,000 cash for the men in bride’s lineage
N6,000 cash for the women bride’s lineage
1 Umbrella
28 tubers of yams (4 piles of 7 yams each)
20-25 litres of palm oil
Wrappers: anywhere from just 6 yards each for the bride’s parents to a suitcase of wrappers
Drinks: A jar of palmwine
Two bottles of Schnapps
Crates of malt drinks
Cartons of beer
A carton of wine to be held by the groom
Kolanuts
A bag of salt
Money: A small amount as the official bride price: Sometimes N24, other times N1500
N5,000 cash for the bride’s mother
N3,000 cash for the bride’s father
N9,000 cash for the men in bride’s lineage
N6,000 cash for the women bride’s lineage
In some instances, you may also find:
Coconuts
A bag of rice
A bottle of honey
A packet of sugar
Bush meat
In all, many men who have married Edo women have said the items rarely ever cost up to N200,000.
If you are
prepared for this, make sure you tell the bride’s family, and try to fix a date
for the traditional wedding so that everything is concluded in one trip.
The Traditional Wedding
6. It takes place in the
bride’s family house. Your bride will be dressed in the beautiful traditional
attire of the Edo people. The ceremony is anchored by the Okaegbe- the
eldest male or head of the bride's family. Kolanuts and palm wine are presented
to guests, followed by lots of food and drinks. The bride price will be paid to
the bride's family. The custom is to give them a lot more, but they will only
take what is customary and return the rest, urging you to use it in your new
marriage. The bride will be placed on her father’s lap at some point, and
prayers are offered. During the ceremony, 'fake brides' are brought to out by
the older women of her family and you will be asked to identify your real
bride. If you are successful, she is presented to your family. When the
ceremony is over, the Ovbioha i.e new bride is escorted in a
procession by her friends and family to her husband’s house.
After the
Wedding
7. Your family and friends
should be making merry and eagerly awaiting the arrival of your bride. Don’t be
surprised when you receive a message that there are obstacles or Ughunghun preventing
your bride from entering her matrimonial home. They will tell you how much it
will cost to remove the “obstacles” and you go ahead and give it.
If you are
also Edo and very traditional, an older woman happily married into your family
will wash the bride's hand and feet in a bowl with money and wipe them with a
new head tie. These will then be given to the bride.
Congratulations!
She is now yours to cherish forever. Get your marriage registered if you
haven’t already done so. It is up to both of you and your families whether or
not to have a white wedding.
 Traditional Wedding Guide){kind=link}